it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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