I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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