you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
