Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he fucked my hip out of place.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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