I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
