I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
