why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
