Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
