so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
