Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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