K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
God, I missed his penis.
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