No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
