i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
