I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
