And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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