how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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