a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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