Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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