I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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