Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
