Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize