you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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