Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
