it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
