Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
