I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
