she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
