You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
