I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
