trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
