bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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