can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize