I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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