Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think my moral compass just broke
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