I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
