Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
