Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
