Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
