Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
