she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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