Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
