paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
