is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
