somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
