Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
