got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize