i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
