I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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