i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
