I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
