He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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