found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
