Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
