just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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