yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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