When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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