just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
