you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize