I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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