Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
