You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
