And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
