I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
