I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
