ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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