Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
