he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize