I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
