I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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