Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Randomize
