At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
