Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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