I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
