College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
